Dear Me,

{a letter to my teenage self}

It has been surprisingly difficult to write this letter to you. I look at pictures and I read through your journals and I find it hard to believe you are me. Knowing what I know now, I wish I could have a do-over of the years 1988 – 1992. Don’t get me wrong, there were some amazing moments but mostly there’s a large cloud over those years.

It used to be a guilt cloud. It’s not a guilt cloud anymore because I have FELT & RECEIVED the GRACE of Jesus. The cloud is a “grace cloud”. Some of the choices that you made during those years will have lasting consequences even until you’re my age {we turned 40 this year!}. You will be forgiven but the consequences are still there covered by GRACE.

How’s that for an introduction? Sorry if I have scared you into a corner. I’m just being honest. That’s something that you had a hard time doing, mostly with yourself. You knew how to put on the pretty face, but deep inside you were a mess and you were afraid to tell anyone what was going on in your heart and mind.

Please know that I love you. There are times that I do not like you or what you did {what we did} but I love you.

If I could turn back time, here are a few things that I would love to tell you:

Listen to your parents. They really love you even though you do not understand some of the restrictions they placed on you. Being a parent is SO hard & you will experience how tough it is because you will have 4 kids by the time you’re my age – can you believe it? Yes, 4. It’s funny because you know you never enjoyed babysitting kids or even being around children and now you have 4.

Even though he’s in college now hang out with your brother as much as you can. He fills the spot of a protective older brother so well. Be thankful he taught you how to play football & basketball & how to throw a ball. Those skills come in handy being a mother to kids that love sports. Also, he seems to know when you need a hug or a good laugh so maybe you should stop at his house on the night you stole your parents car & ran away from home, even if it’s in the middle of the night. He’ll talk some sense into you..

Stop fussing over your hair & your clothes. You usually end up wearing your favorite jeans & a comfy t-shirt anyway {except I’m not really sure what you were thinking in the picture above…} As for your hair, have fun with it but realize it’s going to turn gray quicker than you think – remember how young dad was when all the sudden he had white hair? Oh, and find a hair stylist that knows how to cut naturally curly hair – you will thank me for that later!

Hey, we were Glee before Glee was cool! Don’t be ashamed how much you love chorus! You have a lovely alto tone.

Your friends are loyal and you will keep in touch with a lot of them. The ones that will be lifelong friends stuck beside you during the “cloudy” years.

All that moving around that you did as a kid from NC to TN {1977} to MD {1983} to WV {1988}? Get used to it because that will continue to happen. From WV to MD {1992} to IA {1998} to OH {2003} to IL {2004} to NC {2009} & back to IL {2012}.

Carry deodorant in your purse for those sweaty pit moments when you were afraid to take a risk or ask a question. Ask the question, take the risk & put on fresh deodorant!

You are going to marry a risk taker. You’ve known him since you were 12 & you will fall in love with him fast when you’re 17 but you will break his heart. However, he will play a huge part in helping you turn that GUILT cloud into a GRACE cloud.

Can I tell you to not take that college history class during the summer of 1991 or at least tell you to pick a different seat? You are going to end up transferring and that college credit was worth nothing to the new school anyway.

Don’t stop writing in your journal. When you stop writing, it’s a clear indication that you are not handling life well. I grabbed a bunch of your journals and read through them today. There’s a gap between June 5, 1991 – May 18, 1992.

11 months of silence.

Those 11 months of silence in your journal did not reflect the 11 months you lived. It was loud & rebellious & extremely difficult. Now you know why I would have dropped that history class or picked a different seat because you met someone that day who will charm you away from your beliefs & you will fall hard. Even though we hate to run, I would yell at you and tell you to run. Run fast in the opposite direction.

So, don’t stop writing. It’s how you process your thoughts. It’s how you talk to God.

Don’t shut out your friends, mentors, youth leaders & pastors – they can help you process those thoughts you’ve written down & the actions that you have lived out. Greg, Tim, Kristin, Ed, Linda, Vivian, Susan, Marilyn…

Grandmother Pete. Ask her questions about her GRACE cloud. I know she has so much to share with you that will be eye-opening. Learn how to make her chicken & dumplins and coconut cake. You will thank me later. {oh, and don’t sell her sewing machine & dutch oven when you’re older! Big mistake!}

I’m not really sure how to close this letter other than reminding you that I love you. You are beautiful inside and out.

See you in 25 years!

CT {I know, it used to be CM. You’ll get this new nickname in 1997}.

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This was written to celebrate a friend, Emily Freeman. Her book Graceful was released last week. It’s a book written for teenage girls – oh, how I wish I could have read this 25 years ago. Thank you Emily for inspiring so many of us to write a letter to our teenage selves. It was difficult for me and brought me to tears – mostly tears of thankfulness for the GRACE that has been shown to me through the years. I do not deserve it one bit. Even though it was difficult to step into her shoes & read her journals, my eyes are opened once again. Thank you.

What would you say to your teenage self? Write it. If you have a blog, link it up to Emily’s post tomorrow. Find the details here.

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